Is this familiar to anyone? by SM, a new dad

My baby daughter is crying. No, not merely crying; she is howling, as loud and hard as her little lungs will allow. She had just started crying, seemingly for no reason, and it rapidly spiraled into a fit. How do I help her? I don’t know what’s wrong! Mommy isn’t here, and she doesn’t want the bottle. I’ve changed her diaper. Her temperature is okay, she isn’t overheated – though she's clammy from crying so hard for so long. (It’s only been a short while, but at the moment, I can’t remember a time when she wasn’t crying.) Is she in pain? If so, where, and what's causing it?

She screams, her face red, then purple. Her cry stretches out, finally grinding into silence as her breath fails - and still her little body is wracked with spasms, limbs rigid, as she struggles to continue the scream. Dread clutches my stomach and panic rises. If she doesn’t inhale, could she go into respiratory arrest? Could her heart stop? A lifetime in the medical field assures me that isn’t really possible, but that’s my rational mind, and it is drowning in irrational fear.

She stares up at me, her eyes swimming with tears, begging me to do... something. Anything. My daughter needs me, and I have no idea how to help her! I've promised her I will protect her, that I will always be here for her, and I am failing her. I am impotent, helpless; I feel sick.

At last she gasps, then inhales, and I breathe again, too. A long, long few minutes later, her crying subsides, and she settles down. Looking up at me, she smiles beatifically. The terror unravels from around my heart, relief blooms into joy, and I laugh through my tears. She’s okay! I still don't know what the problem was, but for now she’s okay, and all is well.

Until the next time it happens...

Thanks!

Massive Love by Becca Campbell

I scurried (can one scurry through digital media?) to 'Notes' because I am overwhelmed with love and maybe if I capture some of that feeling in words, I can savor and share at the same time.

Wow, there is some massive love happening right now in my world.

All through different media (text, FB, phone call, email), I am being showered with love.
Here's the kicker...these specific women, the love shower-ers, aren't doing anything "out of the ordinary." They are moving along, doing their work, noticing, working, playing, dreaming, struggling, overcoming, and sharing and if they even have an inkling of their impact, they certainly don't know the deepest extent of it. But I know.

It's a freight train of love, packed with intentions, clarity, effort, and an inspiration I cannot read about in any books (believe me, I have tried). Their one thought or one call or one effort ripples through my life into those I touch, so that it gains an awe-some momentum.

Y'see, what may sound like two people having a conversation or working out logistics, turns into, at the speed of light, a thought or feeling in me that I am valuable. But it doesn't stop there!

From that place, I feel this love from my peeps and I know that I can pass this love along. I can and will do whatever it takes to stay connected to those women, to make sure they are successful and triumphant. I won't tolerate any negative sass-talk, and I will sing their praises to complete strangers, because the love bond is a strong one and it's two ways. And they may think nothing of their acts and I too, may think nothing of mine, but this is what creates that web of women.

I always want to stop and examine this moment because too frequently I hear something or read something or just feel something from someone that changes my life and I don't turn back to them and hug them and strengthen that bond. I admit, I even take it for granted...but I can't keep doing that.

Because even if it's in both of our natures to do something, we both need to know that who we are in the world is working, that our perfection is manifest, that we can continue to fine tune, but as it stands, this is perfection, in real time. No deathbed needed. No eulogy or tragic story. We don't need to overcome crazy things or prove to ourselves (or the world) that we are valuable.

Because that love bond, JUST that love bond, tells me it is already done. The value is already there. It's just about recognizing it and being grateful.

Motherhood by Jessica Castro

 I drunkenly stumbled into my bedroom bathroom on a Saturday night and a thought popped into my head. ‘Maybe I should take a pregnancy test.’ My period was a few days late and I had two pregnancy tests left from a while back. As I stared at the freshly pee’d on stick, I instantly saw the start of two lines appear. I was pregnant (for the first time) and I was stunned!

         Fast-forward to Valentine’s Day (over two days past my due date) and my beautiful baby girl was born just forty-nine minutes after midnight. It makes sense to me now, why she was born on the day that we celebrate love. She has brought a tremendous amount of love into my life (an indescribable and incomparable kind of love).

         Motherhood is nothing that you can prepare for. Sure you can study up on how to care for infants: how often to breast feed, how many diapers you’ll need to change, or how to calm a crying baby; but being a Mom hits you at your core. No one and nothing on Earth can explain what being a Mom really means until you get there (but I will try).

Being a Mom means:

You have to dive right in. You don’t get much time to transition from pregnant Woman to new Mother or to digest your birth experience. [Givingbirth naturally at home was an amazing experience, however, the last 5-6 hours of it were pretty traumatic for me. After I pushed her out I was so relieved and happy, but also, mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. I wish I had more time to process my birth before being thrown into Mommy mode (eventhough, I’m not sure what that would have looked like or if that’s a realistic thought). I also wish others would have taken more photos of me with my newborn baby, as I was too zonked out to suggest it.]

You are forever changed.

You are no longer your first priority (and if you have a spouse you may not even be your second priority).

You are undertaking the hardest thing you have ever done. Growing a human being was incredibly hard, birthinga baby was exceptionally hard, but raising a baby to be a well rounded, healthy, and happy person is astronomically harder.

You will get to experience alot of new feelings. (And as great as the love and most of the other emotions you feel are, they can be overwhelming at times.)

Your new ‘job’ never ends (there is no where to run, so hang on and enjoy the ride).

You have to figure out who you are again. (Your sense of self can be lost in the beginning.)

You are always searching for the answers. You may wonder if you are doing this parenting thing right. [And I can’t wait until my baby grows into a young child and starts every sentence with ‘What’s that?’ or ‘Why…?’.]

You have to look at where you’ve been to get where you need to go. If you come from a dysfunctional family (a good portion of us have) you may try to fix it for your child’s sake. [I know I have.] Eventually you will realize it is more sensible to work on building the family you want with your new family unit, rather than repairing the old.

You get the chance to grow each day. And you may need a Red Bull or two from time to time (caution: Red Bull energy drinks aren’t recommended for nursing Mothers). The energy it takes to be your best self everyday is exhausting at times; and your child pushes you to be even better.

You want to cherish every moment (and document them all for memories sake). You can never take enough pictures (or videos) because if panic hasn’t already sunk in that time is fleeting; feel lucky!

You have to be strong (especially in the beginning). You may get about a month or so of a ‘honeymoon’ stage after your baby is born. Then everyone disappears (not completely, but basically) and you are left to raise your new family, alone.

Each day is a gift.

You are apart of an incredible club of other selfless and astonishing Women.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the incredible Mothers out there!!! For all the sacrifices we have made and will continue to make each day. May we share this remarkable, beautiful journey together! <3 (& a special shout-out/thanks to all the people who support Women on their journeys into Motherhood!)